Change, It's Still Inevitable

Just some prose in context to the title tonight.

Nothing More...Nothing Less. Love You All. 💗

Have You Ever Sat

and Simply Witnessed

the Day Fade Into Night

or the Night Become the Day?

 

The Gradual Changes

of Subtle Hues, or the

Awesome and Glorious Views?

 

It Happens Every Day,

In Such an Inevitable Way.

You Can't Control It

So You Don't Even Try,

Even If It Brings a Tear To Your Eye.

 

The Same Is True of Everything.

Day Fades to Night,

Night Gives Way to Day.

 

Everything Changes.

Whether We Like It or Not.

It's Our Perspective

That Tends to Gets Us Caught.

 

We Either Get Caught Up by the Moment

and Celebrate or...

We Get Caught Up in the Moment 

and Hyperventilate.

 

It's All in How We Tilt Our Heads,

All In How We View It.

 

Do We Fight Against the Coming Light,

or Run From the Imposing Darkness...

Or Do We Simply Witness the Inevitable Change

and Pause To See Its Greatness.

 

~C 6/5/2022

Why this Feminine Heart?

A Feminine Heart

I’ve been a Goddess worshipper most of my life. Having been raised in a Christian home this was, naturally, something I mostly kept to myself until closer to adulthood. Even as a child the fire and brimstone damning male entity of ‘God’ didn’t fully resonate w/ me. It just felt wrong. It felt to me that a loving ‘god’ would be more motherly, perhaps even grandmotherly. Then again, I’ve never felt fully male in many aspects, especially in my spirit. Female and Goddess wisdom just made a lot more sense. Even w/ the awareness of me that comes w/ such an acknowledgment, it's a part of me I've never truly understood fully. At my core, in my deepest manifestation of being, I have a very feminine heart.

The thing is though, I've always been perfectly ok w/ my cis-male identity; this has never been in question. While I do identify as pansexual and have always considered myself bi (and explored my sexuality thoroughly in my late teens) I’ve never thought of myself as ‘gay’; it just never resonated with me in the context of who I am. I have always been much more deeply attracted to the feminine form, especially the bigger girls, than that of any male I’ve ever even been remotely attracted to. 

Fat Bottomed Girls, Right?

So, no I’m not in any way trans-centric, and I have no interest in actually being female, I don’t resent my penis and, in fact, I like having one. Don't get me wrong, I'm highly sensitive to the needs of the LGBT+++ community and I honor the challenges we/they face daily.

PRIDE!

That said, w/ what is probably a little more transparency than I had intended…lol, the previous has been a bit of a digression from the point of this particular bit of bloggage.
My point herein was/is to actually make some deeper consideration of my emotional reality and my presence of mind in regard to pretty much everything. I have very deep feminine sensibilities. I like the ‘girly’ things; getting flowers, being doted over, cuddled, pampered, having my tears wiped away, kisses, long hugs, and being told I’m pretty; or handsome, in context. 

Guys Like Flowers Too

A Bit of A Flame... 😉

I’ve never been one of ‘the guys’ and I’ve never fit in w/the ‘good ol’ boys’. I’ve always related better to the girls/women w/in my circle of friends, and I am oh so envious of ‘girls’ night(s) out’ and the special solidarity women are able to have in groups. Yet, to my sincere chagrin, this is something, in which, I, as a cis-male, will never be welcomed to participate; especially since I present, mostly, as rather Het-normative when it comes down to brass. Don’t get me wrong, I can also be extremely effeminate, just ask anybody that knows me, I can be a bit of a flame at times. 

Let me try to explain what I mean by 'feminine heart'. From my cis-male POV, by way of cultural context, women (w/ an honorable nod toward fem-identifying individuals) tend to, stereotypically, have more off-the-cuff transparent emotions. They have deeper needs in regard to connection, touch, and affection, and tend to place more emphasis on loyalty. They, again I'm invoking the cultural stereotype here; also tend to display emotions more openly, and more authentically yet, I too cry during the heartfelt moments while watching movies, commercials, etc. just like the stereotype.

Even as a child, I related more deeply to songs like Helen Reddy's 'I Am Woman', and Sister Sledge's 'We Are Family' than to any of the more masculine belts. Even today, my favs tend to lean more towards Melissa Etheridge, Indigo Girls, and strong females such as Nina Simone. 

My general decorating style tends to be more lesbian chic than your typical bachelor pad, and my sensibilities tend to just be much more feminine in regard to my personal caring, nurturing style. 

I don't guess it's something I'll ever fully understand even if I do accept, acknowledge, and honor it as an intrinsic part of whom I am as a person. Laughably, even as I openly self-id as pansexual, I've been known to tell people "I'm a lesbian, trapped in a cis-male form, w/ strong bisexual tendencies", and, well, I'm OK w/ that.

I guess, if the truth be known, I'm really just a (girl) dragon at heart.

Oh, you're a girl dragon...

 

FB Jail Sucks, But Why?

I am sure those of us that have been put on restriction by big daddy Zuc have plenty to say about this particular bit of suckage but, exactly why does it suck as much as it does? Aside from the folks this hits considerably hard in the wallet, and advertising of products, etc., I believe it actually has a deeper, more primal seat in our consciousness. 

A Primal Connection ~ Existence Validation

2 words, Existence Validation.

Humans, as a general rule, ARE NOT solo artists. In fact, humans are pack animals, receiving input and giving input to others, thus validating our very existence in the grand scheme of things. It’s, simply put, part of who were are as a species. We crave, or rather the EGO craves that validation and we seek it out, sometimes in ways that aren’t exactly good for us. When that needed external validation isn’t available to us we flounder.

Most of us don’t, usually, ask those questions such as, ‘Why am I here?’, and ‘What’s my purpose?’ to ourselves. No, on the contrary we ask those questions to the void, to friends, to therapists, rather than asking our own hearts. While, it’s true that being able to validate our own existence w/in is an important thing in regard to self-acceptance and personal validation, the fact still remains that outside input, people caring about us, and showing us love touches us on a much deeper level. 

‘Why am I here?’, ‘What’s my purpose?’

We NEED other people in our lives; we need verbal and physical connections to thrive. Needless to say, having your voice and presence restricted has the opposite effect.

While FB is great for getting that Existence Validation we all need, it’s so very important to remember to reach out when you see someone seeking extra attention and validation. We all need the occasional reminder that we are loved and thought of in this life.

A Little Reminder ~ I Am Light

 ...AND SO ARE YOU!!

India Arie "I Am Light"

I am light, I am light [x4]

I am not the things my family did

I am not the voices in my head

I am not the pieces of the brokenness inside

I am light, I am light [x4]

I'm not the mistakes that I have made or any of the things that caused me pain

I am not the pieces of the dream I left behind

I am light, I am light [x4]

I am not the color of my eyes

I am not the skin on the outside

I am not my age, I am not my race, my soul inside is all light

All light, all light [x2]

I am light, I am light [x2]

I am divinity defined

I am the God on the inside

I am a star, a piece of it all

I am light