Am I Ok? Probably Not, but I’m Going To Be.

        Lately, after a much too long hiatus, I’ve been feeling pulled to start writing again, regularly. For a few years, I wrote pretty actively. Most of my writing was w/in the genre of self-help. Heck, I’ve even considered collating all my 70K+ words of self-help writings into a book. Much of that I’ve already published herein, feel free to peruse my blog, there’s very likely something here that will at least, if not uplift your spirits, tilt your head a little to the left.

Tilt Your Head...

        Long story short I’ve not felt all that self- helpy for a couple of years now. Naturally, my continued thought in regard to my writing has been it’s a bit hypocritical to write/publish self-help if I’m not SELF-helping myself. 

        Truth is I’ve been in somewhat of a perpetual mourning cycle since the fall of 2018 when I chose to estrange myself from my mother (for self-preservation reasons). A year later I chose to let go of a long-term relationship, for many of the same reasons. 

I’m not ready to go any deeper on either of those fronts presently; hopefully, in a (soon to be?) later blog I’ll find an ability to build on that transparency, not now though. 

Grief is a nasty hateful jailer...

        Grief is a nasty hateful jailer whose only encouragement seems to be to remind you of why you’re grieving to keep you spinning on the proverbial abandoned merry-go-round of sadness and self-loathing. 

The Abandoned Merry-Go-Round of Sadness

        However, I think, the magic trick therein is to quit fighting against it and find some acceptance of the reality you find yourself in. You kind of have to allow yourself to be sawed in half and put back together again by your own hand.

The Magic Trick

        So, that’s what I’ve been doing for a couple of years now, *MAGIC* and I’m beginning to feel like I might have turned a corner in this mourning process. I’m still feeling quite pensive, but it’s not the same kind of brooding I’ve been doing, it’s presently much more contemplative.

'The Thinker' Auguste Rodin

I think that’s all I’ve gone for now. Maybe, I am going to be ok, after all…;)