Loving-Kindness Through the Heart of the Child

We can learn a lot from our observations/interactions w/ the children in our lives.

Until it's taught out of them, children are, simply put, wild things, free of the box, free spirited, unabridged; and they speak/act from the heart, w/ what's on their mind.

Culturally speaking, w/o question (and somewhat unfortunately) we teach them how they're supposed/expected to be.

Through our dogma/religious beliefs ("raise a child up..."), by silencing them/harnessing their input ("don't speak unless spoken to"), by curbing conversations about "adult" things until we deem them as old enough (the alleged/assumed age of ascension) we squash their childlike nature and box them into the spiritually insufficient "norm".

Much of this is, of course, for the protection of their innocence but, how much of this innocence do we destroy in the process?

From my personal pov these wildly inquisitive, openly honest, beautifully/naturally playful  character traits are so much more strengths to be celebrated/cultivated than they are flaws to be trained out; and much of our culture is sorely lacking in the innocent beauty of it.

The emotions/thoughts of the child run free of internal judgement and second guessing until we, usually by way of example, teach it out of them; until we destroy their innocence.

Thankfully, we have our "exceptional" children to carry us through, and teach us how to love/play again.

I witnessed a beautiful moment of loving-kindness w/in the briefest moment of sadness in my child's sorrowful eyes recently; it was a pure understanding of metta consciousness/mindfulness (w/o a need for a label).
Yet, in this moment I also witnessed a loss of innocence I can't help but grieve to a point; sadly a cultural loss of innocence is an inevitable necessity.

Here, Have a Penny

Yesterday morning he was playing w/ 2 pennies and wanted me to take one, I didn't want the penny and I refused to accept it; this saddened him; he even got a touch grumpy since I wouldn't play w/ him. At the time, we were waiting for the bus so I needed him to stop playing and focus on listening and being the "norm" for what is expected at school; this of course was NOT what he needed.

I captured this moment as a teaching opportunity.
I explained to him as simply as I could;
"sometimes people don't want what we want to share w/ them but, we can still (placing my hand on his chest) share this feeling/love of sharing from our hearts".
It was obvious he understood, he closed his eyes, took a deep breath and a few tears quietly streamed down his face as he gently placed his hand on my hand over his heart; slowly releasing the deep breath he had previously taken.
The penny wasn't mentioned again but, I could tell he understood/felt that moment of pure love toward me in the release of that sadness; indeed I felt it too and shared a couple of tears w/ him. Naturally, I comforted him; hugged him, gently wiped away his tears (and my own), and we went on about our business of waiting for the bus to arrive (and being "responsible").

This wasn't, however, simply a matter of teaching him an extremely valuable spiritual lesson, this was my 9yr old autistic child making a meaningful/direct connection w/ compassion for another humans interests (or lack thereof) over his own; in what honestly seemed to come naturally.
(A quick side note to place this action more in context: meditative deep breathing to relieve anxiety is not foreign to Torin however, he oftentimes needs reminded to do it; in this moment he practiced this technique of his own accord for a more direct reason...LOVE).

In general people who suffer w/ ASD do NOT make connections directly, rather those connections (especially emotional ones) tend to surface in a more indirect fashion; so you'll understand why I felt Torin's immediate/honest directed action was an incredibly big deal.

The capacity for love/compassion in "exceptional" (one of the myriad of pc terms accepted by today's psychiatric community in regard to mentally challenged/delayed...) children amazes me each/every time I encounter it; and this wasn't the first time I've witnessed it in/from my child.

We see this capacity for/of love oftentimes in our culture from children/some adults w/ Downs Syndrome (always offering a hug, a compassionate word etc.); not so often w/ other mental challenges as many others tend to lean into a characteristic of standoffishness (not unlike ASD).

All too often though, we adults miss out on viewing the world through our inner child, through the natural character traits of wonder, excitement, and simply loving life, and the incredible experience it IS; through childlike eyes.

We, unfortunately have learned, through years of being forced to conform to the "norm" of being responsible adults, that being silly, playful, and seeing the beauty/joy in life IS literally childish; and when we let the inner child roam about we oftentimes get accused of being immature.

The childlike traits of sharing, compassion for/toward others, playing, having fun, all come naturally for children; we steal these traits away w/ our selfish egos, our insecurities, our seriousness...our lack of interest in "the penny" because we're too busy waiting for the bus.

Sure, it was a beautiful teaching moment for Torin/I (holding love for another; a skill I hope he can learn to strengthen) BUT, the pain w/in it (for both of us) was also a small squashing of his beautiful innocence.

The lessons we both learned in the process were so extremely valuable.
The lesson of sharing loving-kindness on a personal level is deep and will provide him serenity/comfort as time goes on but my lesson in this may be greater still...

Take the penny.
Even if your too busy adult-ing/parenting taking a moment to play (a moment to appreciate innocence, to "STOP, and smell the roses") may truly share a greater love/connection than any opportunity to "hold space" for another from a distance.

BOTH the teaching opportunity and the sharing in a playful moment w/ another hold value yet, the loving honest connection you may miss by refusing "the penny" serves only to squash your inner child deeper into the collective cultural "norm" of the box.

My hope for you/I both today (if you're able to embrace the child w/in and w/o) is this:
Accept the loving gifts given w/ humility/grace, BE grateful for the positive/productive teaching opportunities, give the same when you're able...and witness the love of your children, your inner child, and find wonder in every moment.


Take the penny...💞

Namaste...❤ ~C