Say what you wanna say...let the words fall out

I've been holding so much of all this back in attempt to keep the proverbial peace.
NO MORE!
Much I still won't share about all this simply due to the fact my words are not intended to sling mud but instead to bravely state facts and free myself from the suffering of them.

It's been a lil while since I wrote here at The Dragonz Breath; too long really.
I decided to dive back into the ol' blog for 2 reasons;
1. Several people have recently asked "why don't you have a..." and "where's your blog"; since writing so much on fb (it is somewhat of a convenience after all) in mini-blog I've simply gotten out of the habit.
2. Recent events; and subsequent commentary from friends in that regard, have lead me here so as to have a less social format to share my heart.
Basically if you're really that interested in me and my occasional musings you'll go to the trouble of moving beyond the entrapment of social media and join me here in a more intimate setting.
Anyway herein I truly spill my heart.

I wanna see you be brave
Sara Bareiles

The day is October 18th and as of yesterday my son/I have come full circle and his mother/I signed an agreement giving me FULL Physical custody. Read on w/o judgment if you're able...

In May 2014 my wife/I split and she moved back in w/ her dad and stepmother, leaving me w/ physical custody of our son and as well the physical possession of our (rented) home; many of you already know this fact (the reasons leading up to this fact are irrelevant to my present bloggage).

From May '14 until Oct. 31st '14, Torin was w/ me.
During this 5 month period his mother rarely visited, called, or attempted to spend much time w/ him; naturally I took on the blame/scapegoat due in part to my inability at the time to keep my mouth shut of begging her to return and IMHO in part due to her enjoying her assumed freedom.
A freedom not to last for her...

In early Oct. '14 I was informed she would be contacting the magistrate to have me removed from the home which remained in her name;  I was also informed at the time of the reason for the push to reclaim the home, suffice to say her father was demanding she reclaim the home because there were issues w/ her current arrangements at the time.
So, long story short the magistrate sided w/ her and I was given until Nov. 1st to vacate; having no place to go (basically homeless) naturally I couldn't take Torin w/ me and so this change put her in possession of our home and custody of our son. My main arguments/point at the time, which the magistrate summarily ignored (despite a myriad of evidence to back my claims) was the fact she was incapable of keeping the home; this would eventually prove true.

Jump forward to 3 years later...
In the last week of May 2017 I was informed by Torin's mother she was being evicted from the home and returning to her dad's, the reasons were/are again irrelevant; the point herein is our son had ONLY one place to go, my home.
On May 31st Torin was once again placed, by his mother, in my 'stead and I assumed full physical custody by word (verbally stated, much to her chagrin, we would not resume the present 50/50 custody agreement until she was once again in possession of her own home).
The first month we heard NOTHING from her or her family; no call, no text, no nothing until her birthday (early July) when I heard from her father requesting time w/ him which I naturally obliged.
The next visit was instigated by myself a week later, the next was mid-Aug (again requested by her father). During all this time she made not one direct point of contact w/ Torin, no calls, no texts, no requests to get him...NONE.

So I filed a custody complaint and here we are...
Today, I have my own (rented) home which I've been in since Feb. '15, Torin has his own space/room here as we (his mother/I) had/have been practicing a verbal joint custody since that date up until the day his mother was evicted.
Today I once again have FULL physical custody of my son AND this time it's in writing and signed.

As one friend put it, "congrats, it's a long time coming"...almost exactly 3 years actually (trust that the number isn't lost on me, it's been said karma comes back 3 fold).
Up until the words were in my lap it hadn't hit me the reality of this "...long time coming"; the insecurity of it all, the transition, the flux of it all, the ups/downs of the emotional suffering I've bravely (mostly) endured over the last 3 years.
Truthfully, I'm still disseminating, I'm just a lil in shock from the closure/finality of the moment.

Don't get me wrong, I know this IS a positive moment but truthfully it's bittersweet and I'm somewhat melancholy over it.
None of this was ultimately what I planned 9 years ago when Torin surprised us w/ his entrance into our lives (Oct 28th is his birthday). We (Torin's mother/I) planned differently, we planned to raise him together in a home filled w/ love.
We had no idea we'd be where we are...so yeah there's kind of a sadness intermingled w/in my relief.

I know all of this is the best for my cherub and in turn what's best for him promotes a contented heart in this ol' dragon dad.

(*NOTE for my naysayers:
The truth w/in ALL these words is NOT divulged to shine a bad guy/negative light on Torin's mother it IS simply factual info to present my personal story...nothing more/less).