Moody Bitch!

Writing Day 3

1/3/2019

Moody Bitch!

…that about covers it.

I’ve been dealing w/ several very emotionally painful realities lately; I don’t for second believe I’m the cause for all of them but there are a few, of which, I am directly the cause. Let me tell ya, mood switching (cycling up/down and in between) fucking sucks and it’s truly an insatiable monster; the damned thing wants to feed off of me constantly.

Just when I think I’m feeling something more productive/positive all the negativity starts to creep back in and I’m trying to STOP and re-group so I don’t act on the negativity I’m feeling; thankfully I’m recognizing it pretty quickly, so I am able to put some coping mechanisms into play (thankfully even in the midst of the mental anguish I’m dealing w/ I’m still aware (for the most part, even my awareness is fleeting in some of these moments) of the temporary nature of all of my emotions and, IN FACT, everything.

Today hasn’t been the worst day I’ve suffered through but it certainly hasn’t been a good one; I’ve been moving from angry to sad to feeling nothing at all to serene to…well you get the picture. There are moments I want to lash out, blame, spew venom; thankfully w/ all of those I’ve been able to see it and physically feel myself start to puff up, and I’m able to slow myself down before it goes into a full blown panic attack. My mind is racing w/ overlapping, looping, OVER(fucking)THINKING scenarios of WTF that I won’t even get into; because I know it’s just my mind trying to makes sense of the challenges I’m dealing in front of me.

Needless to say, it sure would be nice if I had a devoted friend that I could count on to be here whenever I needed to just vent and talk.

So much I wish I could just dump right here, but I can’t because it could jeopardize my hopes/dreams and inadvertently hurt people I care about.

Anyway…that’s me for today.